Weekends were awesomely spent.

F1 briefing was okay but the on-site training makes me soo super tired.

This legs can go jelly you know.

And race on Sunday was not bad either, although we only managed to watch it just for a short while.

Also, thanks for the presents i received fer my birthday too.

The MNG clothes, jeans, and makan treat from parents, the bear workshop from Iyah & fam, the top from Haziqah & fam, the whole series of Twilight from Abglong.

I love all of it. & ofcos, those texts, calls and facebook like i've mentioned in the previous post too.

And never did i expect something upsetting this year on my birthday too.

I envy those girls that were being pampered like a princess during their birthday from their loved ones.

But i realised, i am reaching 20 soon, so i can't expect more.

Like this person say, u can't compare the past with the future.

But its okay, i will pick all this broken pieces of mine bit by bit.

So, as when the days roll by, i will try and show my usual.

On a brighter note, i'm still contented when the parents still make an effort in making my day on the day i turn 19 itself.

The most important thing i need is Papa, Mama, Haikal & Atirah. This four are my lifelines. And for now, i've made up my mind, there will be no other than them four. I can honestly say, its them who's been with me thru thick and thin and no one else. Its them who i turn to when some said they care, but deep down, they never.

I don't know why, but i just feel like i need to type all those thoughts down.

Cos, it hurts too much to bottle everything up.

I've cried too much. And not even the closest one can notice that i'm faking everything except you eventhough u never see but i know u can sense it.

You said, you are there, you are willing to listen to everything i told you, you did ofcourse, you replied to all those texts u received. Trying to give me courage, trying to help. But, i want you to be there to listen, to hug me, and tell that everything will be alright soon. U keep on telling me that things will eventually go my way, but when? I'm not pressuring you, but i just want you to know, i need my prince to save this drowning princess here. And i know, the decision lies at my very own hands. I don't know why i left the one who i was looking to find all this while.

& fer now, for how long as i can, im still pretending im okay even if it kills me inside. Its hard to deal with this pain, but i am doing it anyway cos i am left with no choice. And what upsets me the most was when i cry so much, i will try to make myself stop by taking of those lots & lots of it. And it has become of a habit now that whenever i think of all those, i will keep on having it after one another.